Most of the times it feels like waiting for a mistake to happen. It's a constant test of loyalty. For every other name he mentioned, I quickly make a scenario of what I'm going to do or say if that other name turns to be significant. I promised myself that I will not be stupid this time. That if he decides to go for it, I'll let go. I won't just stay there all dumbfounded & waiting for it to be over.
 
Trauma kills. I realize how unfair it is to compare 2 people who seem to be so different from one another. But how do you actually let go? How can you be so sure that it won't happen again? 4.5 years with so many other names. And now 8 months with 1 anonymous girl whom he swore he had nothing to do with. How do you create that trust? How do you know that this time things will be okay?
 
Making a life commitment is scary.